Who Do You Love, Really?
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” ― Albert Einstein
I find this quote thought provoking, and often true.
I often coach women who fall in love with men for who they can be. They have a Picture of the man they want/need and assume ‘he’ will some day become that man. When the man makes different choices than the woman Expected, she is disappointed and heartbroken.
I have also coached men who fall in love with the idealized picture of the woman that’s in their head. In that moment, his woman usually matches his picture to some degree other another. His picture doesn’t change. He keeps it living in his head, and then feels disappointed or threatened when ‘she’, the Ever Changing Woman…changes.
Bottom line is that neither love the real person. They love ‘the picture‘.
Expectations are the bread and butter of disappointment. And herein lies the rub.
There is no avoiding change, as we are in a constant state of it. What is more the issue is the speed and direction of the change. We are in a age where many re-invent themselves over and over again in their lifetimes. This can be out of choice, but often it is out of necessity…to create a better life…to thrive.
Being comfortable with change, consciously directing that change, and changing together, in a way that is complementary, is the opportunity for all couples.
I leave you with this quote that has been one of my favorites for over 30 years. The philosophy behind it is deep and clear, and one that, when adopted, can cultivate a atmosphere of mutual inspiration and growth.
In it’s essence, it speaks of approaching personal relationships from a place of perpetual discovery and support.
“Nothing you become will disappoint me; I have no preconception that I’d like to see you be or do. I have no desire to foresee you, only to discover you. You can’t disappoint me” ― Mary Haskell
Donna M Thomas
Intuitive Life Coach, Healing Conduit, Mastery Group Leader, Author
This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.