“When working with people, I am often asked what it takes to have a strong sense of personal power as they go through life. I have noticed these days that even though many have done some amount of personal development work, when it comes right down to it, there is at least one of eight practices that is being dropping out of their daily life. It is this thing or things that cause feelings of lack of personal power, lowered self-confidence, depleted energy – all of which lead to unhappiness and feeling unfulfilled.

To aid you in seeing what elements are crucial in creating and maintaining a deeply fulfilling life, I created The 8 Practices of Authentic Power: Creating a Foundation for Personal Mastery.“

Listed below are the practices that have already been explored:

And now for Practice #3 — Maintain a Vision that is Larger than You

Each of us comes into this world with our unique journeys and lessons to learn. As we grow, we form who we will be in the world and how and at what level we will contribute. In time, we take action to create the life we want. Depending on circumstances, some find this process easy, while others experience challenges and barriers between who they are and who they would like to be.

Practice #3 is a fairly simple in theory, but it asks for persistence. Competitive swimmers swim faster by setting goals larger than what they have already achieved, and by attempting to beat their rivals. Entrepreneurs grow their businesses by creating a vision of what they want, and then setting goals and implementing marketing strategies. Potential artists, writers, dancers and musicians are usually inspired to begin by another whose creativity touched them in a profound way. At some point they will usually learn the basics of drawing, sculpting, writing, feet positions, dance steps, cord structures, harmonies, etc. to give them a foundation. The person with creative aspirations combines their personal desires and abilities with larger inspirations to create their own unique work.

The most effective practices to expand your sense of personal power includes aligning yourself with a vision that is larger you. Study those you admire. Listen to what they say, and pay attention to what they do, what and how they create, and how they live their lives. If you have a hard time imagining the life you want, borrow some particulars from others who are already doing what you want to do. Adopt their ideas and practices and make them your own by adding your spin and your authentic voice.

In the process of expanding your life and learning new things to assist you in this process, there is a system that suggests first seeing in your mind’s eye the thing you want to learn. See yourself doing the thing, with great detail, as if you have already mastered it. Feel the action in your muscles and the sense of satisfaction you get from doing it. Feel your feelings around these new abilities. If you do this with regularity, your physical and emotional muscles can actually create a memory that will give you a leg up on learning the thing you want to learn. Whether it is learning to ski or learning to speak in front of people, this system works very well.

I gave this technique to my daughter when she was learning to do the butterfly. I had her watch Michael Phelps several times on You Tube performing the stroke perfectly, and listen to the coach pointing out exactly what Michael was doing and why. Then I instructed her to go to bed, seeing herself doing the stroke in the same way that she saw Michael doing it. She showed marked improvement in her stroke after engaging in this process a few times.

I used this technique, but in a more personal way, when I wanted to have deeper orgasms. (Yes, you just read right, I am now going to speak about how I learned to have better and deeper orgasms.) I grew up having been molested several times and date raped. I had a lot of shame around having sex and enjoying it. Mostly I had sex to get men off my back. I learned to be very good at giving sex, it was my way of feeling in control, because when I was a child, I felt that when it came to men’s needs, I had none. When I got to my late 30’s, I was introduced to a couple that taught Tantra to couples. On my own, I read books and watched videos to understand what people were experiencing and how they went about it. I so yearned for a partner that would help me learn to surrender and let go. Up until then, achieving orgasm was often quite laborious for the men I was with, and I had only experienced more surface, clitoral orgasms. I had heard (although it was difficult to imagine) that woman could have nine levels of orgasm, multiple orgasms, cervical orgasms, and that woman could even ejaculate, and I wanted to know how go to this exalted place.

The man I was with was not emotionally available or knowledgeable enough to go to this place with me, and we eventually split. I kept wanting, praying, imagining what it might look and feel like to have this kind of relationship. Then one day a few years later, “he” showed up; not in the package I thought he would be in, and he wasn’t what I considered long-term relationship material, but he was a loving, caring and a knowledgeable man, and we stayed together on and off for four years as we learned how to open and surrender to each other. Oh, and did I mention he was the most awesome and experienced lover I could imagine? I finally understood what all the hoopla was about. We shared the out-of-body experiences that I had always heard about, and we shared deep and passionate love with each other.

After four years of exploring, we ended our relationship on good terms. He is still a dear friend. With him I reached a high level of orgasm, but never quite got to experience the highest. I kept doing my emotional healing work that included learning how to surrender into the feminine and more fully to the masculine. I also continued to hold the possibility for myself to experience all nine levels of orgasm–affirming that I was worthy of that level of pleasure. Eventually, I ended up with a strong and loving man with whom in time I was able to go to the next levels. He was not the most experienced lover, but he was willing, and tenacious and wanted to pleasure me from a genuine place of giving, without having his ego bruised if I did not respond quickly or in dramatic ways. And after a few emotional breakthroughs, I began to regularly experience the elation of multiple orgasms, complete with ejaculation–the ninth level of orgasm. I have experienced this level of orgasm to last up to several minutes to half an hour. I am here it say that it has been well worth the wait!

By the way, I have not shared the story above to be gratuitous. Healing my sexual pain and living fully into my womanhood was a profound desire and part of my vision for an expanded life.

Okay, now take a breath and re-focus on maintaining a vision that is larger than you…

What might it be like when you step into the live you envisioned? Think of it as preparing yourself to move into your new dream house. You knew the number of rooms that would give you a feeling of spaciousness, the view that would give you the most peace, the lighting that would give you a feeling of happiness, and the airflow that would let you breathe in well-being. When you realize you have found your dream home, you buy it and move in. When you first arrive, depending on where you came from, it may take some time to get used to the extra space, the new lighting and all the new gadgets. You may feel excited, and you might also feel awkward. In time though, you will expand to fill the space with all that you are and enjoy the life you’ve created. Eventually, you may even outgrow this home and decide to expand once again.

In the dream world, the house represents the dreamer’s mind and consciousness. While being fully present in your daily life, hold a vision (or the sense of possibility) of expanding your mind, heart, life and consciousness. Keep this feeling alive, as you continually press into it. Invite it in and welcome its presence. You will receive insights and guidance that will enable you to expand in the ways you desire.

There’s a great saying that goes like this,

“The pain pushes until the vision pulls.”

I think this says it well. Allow your vision to pull you into the more expanded and satisfied you.

This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.