January 19 and 20

30-Days of Silence Days 3 and 4

The sequence that unfolded around receiving the impulse to go silent was meaningful as it was occurring.  It feels important to write.

I was power walking by the water and listening to a book, as I often do.  On this day, I was listening to the story about a man who always ends up saving the day after overcoming great adversity.  I noticed that I had stopped listening and was daydreaming about being “wronged” (I can’t recall the scenario), then being my own hero, overcoming, and kicking booty in the process.

When I realized what I was doing, I asked myself, Why am I thinking about this?  Anyone who’s read my book knows that I have found myself in the scenario being a “victim” and overcoming many times as a child.  But it feels unnecessary and uncomfortable to have that in my consciousness nowadays.  I have no need or desire to be wronged, or a victim or have drama in life to overcome.  Acknowledging this, I said to myself, I’m more interested in the antithesis of being a victim. What is that?  Leadership, I heard a voice inside me say.

I do lead to a certain extent, I thought.  But are you a leader? I heard.  I am…to an extent, I answered back, feeling like I’d just been busted!  At that moment I felt a strong pull to consider going the next level of leadership, whatever that might look like.  I started to feel heat in my body.  In my mind and heart, I just want to be of service in what I’m best at.  I don’t need to be seen or known as a leader, and I felt my gut begin to tighten.  Then I heard again, The answer to your question is Leadership.

I could feel my resistance kicking up.  When I feel like this though, I know it’s time for me to pay attention.  So I acquiesced, How can I discover how to be more of a leader?  I then saw Buckminster Fuller in my mind’s eye and remembered him talking about how he went silent for a year.  I immediately said out loud, “I’m not going silent for a year!”  I laughed and blushed at the display of me talking to myself.  I can’t go a year without talking, I silently said to the voice.  What can you do then? I heard.  Well, I could probably go for 30-Days.  At that moment, I felt a resolution flood inside me.  I knew at that moment that I was going to take it on.  I then started to work out how and when I could go silent while carrying on with life and work – no socializing, no dating, no reading books, no restaurants, just cleaning both my mind and my body.

I made a conscious decision to start late enough so I would not be talking over Valentines Day.  I did it because this day holds a lot of meaning for me – a day when I lavish love onto another, and he onto me.  There is no one special in my life right now, and I have not been looking forward to that day.  As I made the decision to be silent, I thought it will be great to simply feel the love all around me and love on myself.  (Deep breath.)  We’ll see if my idealism translates when the day comes. Lol!


Days 3 and 4: I’m starting to really sink into this process.  Am doing a fair amount of contemplation, having insights, meditating, and have done a few readings for people.  Soon I will start asking people to send in questions.  I’m looking forward to this.  I find that I am getting more and more comfortable with the process, and the questioners are saying the information coming through feels good to them.  It’s an amazing process to open up to something much bigger and more intelligent than me!  I’ll publish a reading as soon as something comes through that’s feel appropriate to share.