February 12

30-Days of Silence Day 27

The Pleasures and Perils of a “Silent Date”IMG_3790

How brave is a man who is willing to take a woman on a date with no conversation?!  Now that man has some confidence (and patience, and humor)!
His sole goal was to give me a wonderful evening.  And with every move (and I don’t mean “moves”)
he made, he reinforced relax, I’ve got you, enjoy your evening, it’s just for you.


First, he came to my door with flowers.  I thought men didn’t do that anymore.  You know, I think “they” should reinstate that old dating tradition.
I rather like being given a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  But then again, I also think one shouldn’t text on a date…

His lovely idea was to drive us up to Zuma Beach in Malibu.  We would then walk on the beach, in silence, and feel everything…  Just one minor glitch, it didn’t occur to him that traveling north on Pacific Coast Highway at 5:00 on a Friday night would be a nightmare.  So, we ended up watching the sun set sharing the road at a snail’s pace with a couple thousand commuters.  He was feeling bad, but I reassured him with a squeeze on his forearm and a smile that I was happy.

About half way to Zuma, he saw a sign across the road that read, “Beach Access”.  He tilted his head to the left and mouthed (he was silent much of the date as well), “Shall we?”  I nodded.  We thought we would at least see a bit of the remaining light.  We get out of the car and he opened the trunk and whipped out both a blanket and a thermal tote.  I smiled realizing that he had brought something for us to eat or drink.

He laid out the blanket and set a bottle of Martinelli’s and food he had prepared on top – blueberries, sliced apples, and dark chocolate (my favorite).  “Nice!” I mouthed!  “Dessert before dinner!”  He smiled.  Just one small issue, he didn’t bring a bottle opener.  (To his defense, he thought the bottle would have a twisty turn kind of cap.) He made a sarcastic face as if to say, I’ll bet you’re really glad you came on this date!  Honestly, it was all very endearing.  Men SO want to please women.  They may not always get it “right”, but if their encouraged, they’ll keep trying until they do.  Anyway, it was rather comical to watch him go from thing to thing to get the silly cap off.  He finally succeeded and the bubbles happily flowed out the top of the bottle.

IMG_3787After that we took a walk.  We listened to the waves and the birds chirping and watched them follow the waves out and then scamper back up the bank.  The air was slightly damp, slightly chilly to the skin.  The crescent moon was overhead, and we saw the first two stars emerge from within the darkening sky.  Then the rest of the stars followed as we continued our walk.  If we had been talking, I would have missed half of this richness.

At some point, I mouthed for him to tell me about how his dating life is going.  We had tried romantic dating months ago, but ended up dear friends instead.  I loved having the conversation be about him.  He’s such a good man.

We got back to the blanket, packed up the dessert picnic, and drove back to Santa Monica for a lovely dinner.  Then another walk up and down the 3rd Street Promenade.  He chatted even now and then.  We both silently commented how loud everything sounded — the restaurant, the streets.  When you get quiet, it’s remarkable what and how much you hear.

In addition to what I’ve written, what I most noticed tonight was, there’s being quiet with your words, and there’s being quiet with your mind.  At times, I was aware that my mind drifted off to think about something else other than just being present with him and being exactly where we were.  When I noticed my thoughts had strayed, I would bring them back.  I mean, why be with someone if you’re not going to…I don’t know…”be” with them?!  As I’m writing this, I’m wondering how much we’re actually present and in the present with people when we’re not talking…

The other thing I’m reflecting on about this silent date is how much I could feel my heart through the evening.  I felt sooooo incredibly full of gratitude and love.  I noticed every single little thing he did to make the evening wonderful.  I mean, I always appreciate the effort men make for me (I grew up with brothers and consider myself an appreciator of men), but with the absence of talking, everything seemed to sink in deeper than usual.  And as a result, I felt so much more of the emotional subtleties — in me and in him.

The evening ended sweetly—both figuratively and literally.  He dropped me off at the street with a heartfelt hug.  When I walked up the stairs to my apartment, I discovered that one of my coaching clients had left a ginormous Salted Caramel Macaroon from Lemonade on my door nob!  Perfect!
(I didn’t have dessert after dinner.)  I’ve been nibbling on it while drinking my Vanilla Hazelnut tea and writing this blog.

Life is good…