Exploring Practice #2 — Be In The Present, Pay Attention
(See the list of the 7 Practices of Authentic Power on my 8/22/09 post.)
Q. So in the practices of personal power, why are being present and paying attention crucial elements?
A. When one’s awareness is not in the present, one cannot pay attention to what is going on within and around them. And if one is not paying attention, one cannot receive the sometimes-subtle messages and insights they might otherwise receive, nor can they often receive the guidance or see the opportunities that are right before their eyes.
Referring to my good friend, Webster –
Present (as an adjective) 1: now existing or in progress
2 a : being in view or at hand 3: attentive
4 archaic: instant, immediate. Synonyms: current, existent, instant
Attention 1: a condition of readiness involving especially a selective narrowing or focusing of consciousness and receptivity
2: observation, notice; especially: consideration with a view to action something requiring prompt attention 3. a focusing of the mind on something gave the issue careful attention
What I find beautiful about these definitions is that they point to living in a state of beingness while also being in a state of readiness or alertness.
It is also interesting to note that the definition of present as a noun is: something presented, a gift, benevolence, boon, compliment, favor, generosity. Being present in the moment is where the gifts occur.
Something I often say to my clients is, “Grace is always standing in the wings, waiting for an invitation to rush forward on your behalf.” In my work with people, I often notice them rushing from thing to thing while at the same time focusing (or worrying) about the future, and sometimes also living in some degree in the past, with its pain and regrets, or in the memory of pleasure and comparing it to the present. When I ask my clients how they keep track of what is happening currently if they are also living in another time, they say they can’t.
Your future is created by the quality of the moment you are cultivating in the present.
I am all for taking time and energy to focus attention on co-creating our futures, but not at the expense of being present in the moment. That’s right, not being present becomes expensive. The gifts, clues, opportunities for growth and expansion, guidance, grace, pleasure, and joy we yearn for exist ONLY in the present. If we aren’t firmly connected in the here and now, we are likely to miss them.
Your personal power lays in bringing the qualities of the future you desire into this moment.
What do I mean by the above statement? Anyone who has had a hard time in life knows that the way out was not by focusing on the future (although it is important to be clear on what you want), nor is it by focusing on the past (although it is important to heal your past pain), it is by living the life you want to live…to the best of your abilities…now.
You want to create a larger and more fulfilling life? First, get yourself clear on what it would feel like to have such a life. Then, start doing the things you would do (perhaps in smaller ways) if you had such a life. Feel what you’re feeling while doing the things. Do you feel good? Do you feel scared? Do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel this isn’t quite the feeling you were looking for? All these experiences occur in the now moment and are the indicators as to whether you are on the right track or not. If we are paying attention, we are able to assess whether what we are doing (and feeling) is in alignment with our desire. If it is not, we can make adjusts.
Can you see the gems available to you in your primary relationship if you are always worried about the future of the relationship, or if he/she is “the one”, or, if you are focused on the pain he/she or others have caused you in the past? Not likely. Look to see if the experience you are currently having matches the experience you ultimately want to have. If you are not feeling fulfillment, then the next step is to do your best to make adjustments in the relationship to get the experience you want. For example, if one of the things I want in my ideal romantic relationship is great communication and I am not currently experiencing it, then first, I should know how to communicate effectively, or learn how to do it. Then, I would want to choose a partner who either knows how to communicate effectively as well or is willing to learn and practice it. Then as you progress, check in with your experience to decipher if you are on the right track. To do this you must be present and pay attention to what you are experiencing right now. I have worked with people who are convinced that their partner is not capable of something they want or need, only to find out that problem was not with the partner per se, but with the person’s residual pain from past experiences and their fear of being hurt again in the future that keeps them from seeing the current reality of what the partner is capable and willing to do.
It is in the present that we heal our pasts.
How can someone grow their business if they are still reliving past failures? There is value in seeing where our scars come from, but be very clear that the healing of scars occurs in the now. Many times I have healed scars by doing the antithesis of the thing. It has looked like this, once I have told the full truth about my past failure and taken responsibility for my part in it, I take the lessons I learned from the experience and move forward. As I move forward, I may encounter temporary feelings of fear (remorse, guilt, anger, etc.), but I am confident because I know I have done my work. Eventually I receive an insight or an Aha moment and I see the past and the present connect, and the pain revealed and healed. A domino effect occurs where I can see everything between my past and the present moment collapse. It is as if the energetic string that connected the subsequent experiences of the original wound is pulled out, and everything is released from its hold.
Have you ever hear the saying, “Take your fear with you”? You don’t have to be healed of fear before you do the thing you are afraid of. The thing you need is trust in yourself that you have learned what you needed in order to move forward successfully. By the way, I would also say, “Take your anger with you”, but if you read Personal Power point #1, you know that residual anger stems from fear.
Now for the other side of the coin…or the bad news for some. When one is present, one also subjects himself or herself to their past pain. Herein lies the opportunity for healing and growth. Those who have persistent emotional pain are usually doing anything and everything they can to avoid feeling their feelings in the present moment. They will use TV, food, shopping, sex, drugs/alcohol, doing too much, etc. to avoid feeling what is going on right now. The thing is, that right now contains all the clues to free oneself of their agony, and avoiding the feelings only perpetuates them! Here is another saying for you, “What we resists persists.”
I leave you with this,
The biggest gift we can give to ourselves is our presence in the present.
This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.
“Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” William Shakespeare
When I was 38, I had reached what felt was a pinnacle point of personal achievement. It was as if all that I had worked for in my life in terms of personal growth, knowledge and spiritual insight had come together, and I become a teacher of sorts.
I worked one-on-one with people and began to also lead workshops and gatherings. People came to me for guidance on their lives, and to help them heal their hearts. They trusted me, and I watched them open and grow and heal. It was absolutely incredible and beautiful being a part of it all, and for a short time, I felt complete.
Part of me thought the gatherings were the most natural thing in the world for me to do and that they were something I was always meant for…but…there was another part of me that wasn’t comfortable with having that much visibility, and power, and responsibility, and accountability. I could see something big beginning for form, and I wasn’t comfortable with it. And so after about a year I stopped doing the gatherings. I figured I would go back to them eventually when it felt right again, but it didn’t. Life happened. My father got sick, and a few months after that, I became pregnant.
For years after, I wondered if my window of opportunity for personal greatness had closed. I asked myself many times if it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I took for granted, and if I ruined my one and only chance at fulfilling THE promise that I was born to do? I wondered if I was letting my higher self down…or worse, God.
Although all our stories are different, I imagine some of you have experienced something similar, where you passed something by that you wish you hadn’t, or missed a great opportunity because you weren’t sure of it, or had your moment of greatness, and then sabotaged it.
What I’ve come to realize is that the concept of “greatness” lives only in the minds and egos of people. God/Goddess/the Universe has no investment in whether or not I achieve greatness. Whatever I want to accomplish and how I go about it is up to me, it’s also measured by me. There’s a saying that goes something like this, “There are a multitude of light sockets available. It’s up to you do decide whether or not you plug yourself in.”
Today, 15 years after my experience, the way I define personal greatness is to continually open to, press into, and to grow to my full potential, and be accountable to this; to do my best in each moment to live from the ideals that I’ve cultivated through my relationship with Spirit; to think for myself always, and whenever possible, think outside the box and open my mind for original thought; and to offer myself authentically and deeply, with compassion. Whether my work effects 1 person or 1 million, what matters to me is the quality of the experience that I give to the people on my path. I appreciate Wallace D. Wattles words from The Science of Being Great, “Do not go hunting for big things to do. Live a great life where you are, and in the daily work you have to do, and greater works will surely find you out…”
I’m going to leave you with this question, a version of which was once asked of me, “Do you know…in your heart, your gut, and in your mind…that you were created for and made for greatness?
This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.
I just came across this saying, and I just LOVE IT!
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, “Oh crap, She’s up!”
May your day have this kind of power and humor!
According to Webster, ”sin” is a
transgression (or violation) of
the law of God. It is also described
as a vitiated state of human nature
in which the self is estranged from
God. This can manifest in different
forms – lying, cheating, stealing,
hurting, etc. etc.
Stepping back from sin’s religious origin, what is it really, and what are its causes?
In my walking meditation today, I received the following:
Sin is actually an acronym for Sunk Into Negativity. (also, Stuck In Negativity)
Then breaking “sin” down more completely:SIN is sunk into negativity. Negativity is caused by fear. Fear is a result of lack of trust.
When I heard this I laughed because it rang so true. By sinking into negativity and fear, we subject ourselves to impulses that can lead us to unfavorable or even detrimental acts. Whenever we do things that we know are not ethical, kind or just, to others or to ourselves, we are sinking into negativity or fear.
How is negativity ultimately the result of fear? Let’s think about it. Why would you or I do something that we don’t feel good about? It’s usually because of one of two things—anger and/or fear. One might say, “I did (…) because they pissed me off.” Let’s discuss anger for a moment. Why would anyone feel anger towards another? Here are some examples: because he/she hurt me, stole from me, controls/dominates me, because he/she lied to me. The truth is, in most cases it’s because I am afraid my pain will damage me, I am afraid that he/she is taking something from me that cannot be replaced, I am afraid that I will have my freedom taken away, I am afraid that being lied to makes me weak or will take away my power, etc. You get the drift.
When I work with people, some say, “I’m not afraid, I’m just angry.” To this I might ask, “What are you angry about?” I might hear, “I’m mad because he took advantage of me.” To this I would say, “Why are you mad that he took advantage of you?” And I might hear something like, “I’m mad because it hurt me.” I say, “Why are you mad because he hurt you?” “Because it makes me feel that I don’t deserve something better.” And here is where the fear begins to surface. I would then take them into the fear exercise I describe in my blog post Hear Your Fear, Surrender To Love.
S.I.N. is not falling from God/Goddess’s (Spirit’s, Source’s, the Universe’s) grace. It is falling from our own sense of grace. It is US detaching from our true selves and separating ourselves from God and the world around us. It is self-inflicted.
Dropping into emotional fear is part of the human condition, and we all have moments of it in our lifetimes. What the opportunity is…and what is Divine, is the ability to choose and then take action to pull ourselves out of it, and land ourselves in a place of equanimity and peace. And this happens through trust. Trust is having faith that grace is always conspiring for our higher good…and having faith in the goodness, strength and worthiness that exists within us.
So, forgive yourself, forgive the other person and move on. Oh, I suppose it’s time to write a post on forgiveness. I’ll get to that soon.
I will leave you with this:
Are you living in S.I.N.?
Or, are you thriving in J.O.Y. (Jubilant Omnipresent Yes!)?
If everyone knew they made a difference, what a difference we could make. ∞ DT
Chapter 61 of From Pebbles To Pathways
Upon my return from Washington, I did a meditation that had a strong effect on me. It had to do with seeing the darkness (that I translated to fear and pain) that still resided in my body and emotions. It was very evident to me during my session with Chuck that I still held onto these feelings. Given that there was so much to be cleared, I thought, how much more is there that I am still not aware of? Even if I have a certain amount of dedication and insight, how can I help others if I still have places in me to heal? In the meditation I saw myself trying to break away from the lurking darkness, but no matter how hard and how many times I tried to break free from it, it was always there. I also saw how the darkness shrouds this entire planet. I saw interwoven threads of gold and lightness melting away the darkness, but the darkness was immense; it was overwhelming.
I decided to have a session with Ron Scolastico and The Guides. I received an answer for my question that was very simple, yet it knocked my socks off. They knew of my strong belief that love is what ultimately helps, guides, and heals us. Given this, The Guides simply said, “You don’t have to be perfect to love.” As I heard these words, I stopped cold. I felt forgiveness flow through me for my imperfections, and gratitude for my love, insight, and good intentions. They also reminded me that everyone with a body has issues to resolve, and physical and/or emotional healing to do.
As far as the darkness in the world, the answer is always the same. Yes, it is prevalent, and yes, it is destructive, but it is not more powerful than goodness, truth, and love. I have experienced this personally and have seen it in my meditations many times. As more and more people wake up, and as each of us does our best and as we do our best to help others, and as we continue to hold a vision for a peaceful and loving world, we have a good chance of turning things around.
Pebbles
You do not have to be perfect to love. ’Nuf said.
Guidance and support systems are other pebbles for this chapter. Even those with the strongest faith and conviction need support at times. The Guides, as well as other forms of divination, have provided two things for me. First, they reminded me of the power of my essence when I forgot. And second, they gave me perspective and context. Having access to these was, and continues to be, invaluable.
This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.
Impossible missions only seem impossible to those who don’t believe in themselves.
They are possible, in fact probable, for those who:
- hold to their vision,
- act in accordance, and
- are willing to receive…
Beyond what is rational,
Beyond your current know how, and
Beyond what you think you are capable!
Remember, the stronger and deeper your current is, the less likely negative tributary or distributary streams are to push or pull you off course.
You may have read books like the “The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success” by Deepak Chopra, or “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey, or “The 10 Keys to Personal Power” by Brian Tracy.
Included here is The Checklist of 15 Questions To Answer YES to for Cultivating a Healthy and Fulfilling Relationship.
You may notice that there are a few more to this list than those listed above. For anyone who has had the courage to enter into and the stamina to maintain a deep, committed relationship, you know that they not for the faint of heart, for as profoundly deep, passionate and immensely fulfilling as they can be, they are also the most multifaceted and at times challenging things we will encounter in our lives.
Those who feel that their “picker” is not as finely honed as they would like, as well as those who would simply like to feel more fulfillment in their relationships can use this checklist. Whether you’re already in a committed relationship, or contemplating one, I invite you to look at this checklist along the way to see which questions are answered with a Yes, and which receive a No.
One should know that this list is based on the following assumptions: That both participants –
- have the same or complimentary definitions of love and what committed relationships are
- are able to love and allow love in, and
- have a firm grasp on how to, and the courage to, work on their own personal issues
These may seem a given for many, but you would be surprised how often people slip up here. Some assume that others feel love as they do and that others are open to loving and being loved as they are. Those of you who have survived a “if it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger” relationship will attest that these are not a given.
So, how do you find out if someone’s definition of love matches closely to yours? How do you know if their definition of a committed relationship is complimentary to yours? How do you know if they are truly open to loving and being loved? By patiently living into these questions, and taking time to get to know your potential partner. Remember, generally speaking, one does not begin to know someone until they have been consciously in a relationship for six months, to get to know someone well, about a year.
As far as working through personal issues, if one is not have the courage, knowledge and a support system to work through personal issues, one is likely to get tripped up or stuck. These issues will often affect the relationship in some manner in time.
The Checklist of 15 Questions to Answer YES to for a Healthy and Fulfilling Relationship:
- Are we both interested, willing, attainable and wholly available?
- Do we have similar and compatible levels of consciousness and intelligence and spirituality, and comparable appetites for personal growth?
- Are we taking time to get to know each other, and us?
- Are we from the same tribe?
- Do we meet each other in ways that are fulfilling and nurturing?
- Do we share with each other wholeheartedly and with authentically?
- Are we included in each other’s lives?
- Is our sexing not only hot, but also intimate?
- Do we have honest and effortless communication?
- Do we respect each other?
- Are we inspired by each other?
- Are we passionate for each other?
- Are our visions of and are our individual commitments to our relationship in alignment?
- Are our long-term visions and life goals congruous?
- Are we both healthy, happy and fulfilled being in relationship together?
Or, do these questions feel more familiar?
- Am I rushing forward to make him/her the one?
- Am I projecting that he/she is available and has the qualities I desire?
- Is there a gap between what I am projecting and what is actually being presented?
- Am I justifying him/her or us to my friends?
- Am I feeling for him/her?
- Am I compensating for what is missing in the relationship?
- Am I frustrated by his/her circumstances?
- Am I sacrificing my health, happiness and well-being to be with him/her? Or, is the relationship leaving me feeling depleted?
If while in relationship one is not feeling fulfilled, at least one of 15 Questions is likely not being answered with a Yes. For those questions that have been answered a No to, it’s time to get to work. It is a well-known fact that if each partner takes 100% responsibility for the relationship’s success, the relationship will have a greater chance of succeeding.
For further clarification, below is more detail on a few of the questions.
1. If this question is answered with an equivocal YES, then relationships have a greater chance of succeeding. If answered with a No, I recommend reconsidering the relationship.
2. If partners don’t have similar levels of consciousness, intelligence and spirituality, then they will likely have to work harder at having a deep relationship. I am not saying it’s impossible, just more challenging…unless depth is not something you are looking for.
4. “Tribe” – the group, and the qualities that the group embodies, where you are most comfortable being your self and where you feel most inspired and supported.
5. “Meet” – as in to interact and respond.
8. See Important Notes below.
9. There are many books written and seminars given on effective communication and how males communicate differently than woman. If you haven’t explored this arena, I highly recommend that you do, especially if this question was answered with a No.
Important Notes:
Some of you will ask, “What about the chemistry?” Or, have some of you found yourselves saying, “I met someone of feel real chemistry with.” “I feel as if they are my soul mate.” “Our sexing is so powerful it must mean we are meant to be together.” “It feels so intense with this person, it must be love.” Listen up! Yes, you may feel these things, and yes, the feelings are real, but have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t believe everything you think.” Well, I would also say, don’t believe everything you feel…at least not until you get to know your partner.
Remember these two things:
1. Chemistry is memory.
2. Be clear on the difference between intensity and intimacy.
Pheromones play into the what generates attraction, but if one feels chemistry, it is usually means one or two things: 1) who they are reminds you (or is the antithesis) of a patriarch/matriarch in your life, and/or 2) You have known them before and are “remembering” that you have unfinished business to continue or complete. This holds truth if you believe in the past life theory. If you do, or if you don’t jibe with past lives, know that strong feelings right off the bat may or may not indicate the possibility of a successful relationship. Acknowledge and appreciate the familiar feelings, and still use the checklist to discover the highest possibility for your relationship.
Many confuse intensity and intimacy. They assume that if it feels intense, it must be good and right. Not necessarily! Feeling intense may be the result of many things. It could be that you have chemistry (see #1); it may be that you want something so much that you believe he/she has what it takes to create a meaningful relationship; it may be that there is a potent lesson (pleasurable or challenging) to be learned and your intuitive self is attempting to guide you to a situation that will help you lean it. It could be all of the above.
Intimacy is the doorway to a fulfilling relationship. I define intimacy as: making one’s self utterly visible and available to another; living in the invitation for your partner to relate with you in the same fashion; to be splayed open. Many avoid this because it can be scary to live there, especially early on in a relationship. Though make no mistake, if you and your partner can meet each other in this way, the sensorial intensity that many incessantly seek will pale in comparison to the fulfillment and depth derived of your true intimacy. And trust me, intimacy cultivates plenty of sensorial intensity…but that’s another story for another blog entry.
There are many books and seminars on how to create and sustain intimacy, and in time I will add one to the mix. If you don’t know how intimacy is achieved, I highly recommend that you find a teacher or method that will open the door for you. I know of many, and depending on where you’re starting from, I might be able to point you in a direction. Just jot me a note.
Well, this is it for now. May you have relationships that surpass your wildest dreams and deepest desires!
This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.
A new movie is spreading throughout the Law of Attraction crowd. It is called The Shadow Effect. It aptly shows, among other things, how one’s shadow can be one’s undoing. YES this is true, and YES one should be vigilant in acknowledging one’s shadow(s) and loving them into the light, and, there are two very important factors to note with regards to this work:
- One’s shadow is nothing more than one’s emotional Fear* and Pain being acted out.
- Given that fear is part of the human condition, most if not EVERY adult has at least one shadow, even those who appear to be “experts” and have consciousness.
You notice that I said most adults have shadows. For the most part, emotional fear is not inborn in humans, it is learned. Most parents will attest to the fact that their young children are fearless until they learn that there are things to be frightened of. They come into the world trusting that all is good and loving. In time though, many learn to distrust or disempower themselves, to fear their own power, to fear other’s power, or they learn to shame (themselves or others), to criticize (themselves or others), to hide out and deflect fear by focusing on others, or to hurt (themselves or others) to maintain a sense of self-preservation, all the likes of which foster fear in one’s self.
Remember, fearing to feel one’s fear, and fearing to be “exposed” is what keeps most fear in place, and not the fear itself.
If we know that most ALL humans feel emotional fear, and most ALL humans have shadows, it can be easier to give ourselves permission to deal with our fear. It is my testimony that in our willingness to expose the brilliance as well as the fear that lives within us, in essence our humanity, the bridges and walls between us, and the shadows themselves more easily dissolve.
There are many ways of and books about releasing emotional fear and pain. I have written on a simple yet effective method of releasing fear that has helped many.
* To clarify, emotional fear, False Evidence Appearing Real, is the fear that stops or inhibits our pursuits of fulfillment and well-being, and not instinctual fear that enables us to protect ourselves from real harm.
Grace is always waiting in the wings to rush forward on our behalf. ∞ DT
