HOW TO HEAL EMOTIONAL PAIN

A FREE Phone Q&A

Bring an issue or event you haven’t been able to get past or heal from and
Donna will offer her insight and practices on how to clear it.

Thursday, 9/9/10
6p-7pm PST, 9pm-10pm EDT

In a group Q&A format, Donna will be working one-on-one with the audience to address:

• What can be causing one’s emotional pain?
• What can be done to release it?
• What practices can help cultivate inner-peace?

***To sign up for this Q&A, email Donna at DonnaThomasLive@gmail.com.
Call-in information will be sent by next Wednesday 9/8.

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Donna Thomas has been coaching people for over 15 years, and working as a healing conduit for much of her adult life. Her experience and keen intuition has helped to transform lives. For her bio, go to this URL <http://donna-thomas.com/blog/about/>. To see what others say about Donna’s work, to here <http://donna-thomas.com/blog/testimonials/>.

NOTE: Don’t live in the U.S.? No worries! You can Skype into the Q&A for under $1.50. Just create a Skype account to call a phone number.

10 Fundamentals for Maintaining a Core of Happiness.

Since I forgot to press the ‘record’ button (ug!), I thought I’d recap the tips here so that you can make use of them.

First though, so that we can meet on a common ground of understanding, I will tell you what is my definition of Happiness.

Happiness is being at peace with what is. It is trusting that your past was and your future will be exactly what they ‘are’ – as being in absolute service to your positive evolution.

Everything that happens, positive and negative, pleasurable or painful, are profound opportunities for growth. With this understanding, you have set the stage for one of the most important elements in attaining Happiness.

I am not going to preach to you that everything that happens is meant to happen. I have known people who have had horrific things happen to them or to those they love. Some times things happen outside our realm of understanding, and perhaps outside what was intended by the Universe. After all, humans have free-will and choice. Learning to come to peace with what is and what has happened, and healing our emotional pain around these events is important and essential work to attaining and maintaining a state of Happiness.

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In this list, you will see both inner as well as outer practices. A few of these practices are quite simple and basic. Yet as with many things in life, the theory is simple, it’s the practice that can be challenging. It appears that the more intelligent we get the more complicated we often make things. My hope is that bringing things back to the basics will allow for easier practice and integration.

1. Take consistent right action towards you happiness. Happiness is definitely a choice. And, along with making a choice, one must take consistent right action towards what makes them happy. This separates those who say they want to be happy from those who truly do. Inconsistent action will lead to hit and miss happiness. It’s like going for wealth. You can say you want it, but you must also make consistent effective choices to attain it.
   An example to show what choice can do. Ever heard the saying, “Fake it ’til you make it”? The saying is a bit rudimentary, but it has truth. Here is a great experiment. One day, every time someone asks how you are, say, “I’m great, couldn’t be better!” Say this even if you don’t really feel it, but say is as if you do. On another day, answer with, “Ah, well, you know. Life is kinda crappy. But hey.” With both, notice two things, 1) how you feel saying them, and 2) how others respond. It will be an eyeopening experiment.
2. Identifying your needs and meeting them. If you know what your needs are and how to meet them, you will build trust within yourself which is very important to building a live of happiness! If you don’t know how to meet your needs, you will look to others and other things to meet them for you…and that often does not turn out well.
   Learning how to meet your basic needs, is a where we start, but it isn’t the ending point. When one knows how to meet their basic needs, they can then pay attention to the larger impulses like what fulfills you in work, love, creativity, etc.
3. Meet your basic needs..The one’s that are often dropped out when we get too busy.
   • Eat well, drink enough water, take your supplements. Okay, for everyone (other than the few breathairians in the world) this is the most basic of our needs, yet you would be surprised how many do not make certain that these needs are met. Those who practice these regularly know how beneficial and important they are for a healthy state of mind.
   • Exercise regularly. Our bodies need to exercise to get our muscles flexed, our blood pumping through our hearts, and our organs activated. Ever heard the saying, “Use it or loose it?” Well, it’s true!
   • Get enough sleep, and by this I don’t mean sleep 4 hours, then take power-naps! There have been many studies done on the importance and benefits of sleep. If you are one of the, “I’ll sleep after I am dead” kind of people, I recommend that you read some of the recent studies. On average, adults need 7-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep to maintain optimal health.
     Now philosophically speaking, with points 1-4, am I saying that if you don’t have your health, you can’t have happiness? No. But for many who do not have their health, they will tell you that they wish they had taken care of themselves better.
   • Taking care of the basics of living. I am talking about things such as keeping your living and work environment clean and uncluttered, generating sufficient income, paying bills, etc. Another no-brainer for some…yet not for others.
     What is not tended to or left undone pulls on your consciousness. Clutter does this as well. Both act as weights on your brain, and what weighs on you keeps you from being able to expand!
     If you are one of those challenged by a lack of income right now, I have empathy for you. Keep on keeping on…and, continue to open your mind and consciousness to creating prosperity. Read books and practice the practices.
     Those creative types who would rather be creative than generate income. I suggest finding the balance of doing both. This will engender a more harmonious existence. I know this is possible! It took me 4 years as a single working mother, but I finished a book while maintaining a job.
4. Engage in positive communications and attitudes, and spend time with positive people. Ever leave a conversation when you felt like you wanted to punch something or go scream? Conversely, have you known someone with whom every time you encounter them you leave feeling better and more positive? Our environment and our conversations make a huge impact on our emotional well-being. It’s all about energy in, and energy out. If you spend time with negative and cynical people, you will have a harder time maintaining a positive outlook. Same with your conversations. Be a “half-full” kind of thinker, and you will see things as opportunities instead of problems.
5. Get clear on what your ideal life is and what it might look like. Getting clear on your vision does a few things: 1) It puts your mind to good work. Your mind has to do something. Give it something positive to do! 2) It’s not until you get clear on your vision, that you can take action towards it. 3) Having a clear vision helps to keep you focused and positive, even when times get challenging. If we don’t have a clear vision, we not only slow our evolutionary process, but we also open ourselves to being swayed by others. Our ability to receive guidance and gifts from the Universe also become hampered. If you need help with this, there are many sources for support. (See #10.)
6. Keep your eye on your vision and do something every day towards it. This feeds into tips #1 and 7. We must be actively taking action towards our vision to increase our likelihood of creating what we want.
7. Maintain certainty that your vision is already coming into being. Or, as I also say, “Keep your eyes on your vision and your vision will find you.” Remember, if you create a vision, it now exists. Since everything is energy…some in the etheric and invisible, others more densely accumulated and actualized…the only thing that is between your vision and the physical world is time and the persistence in seeing it realized. Practice this so that your vision is manifested in a timely way, and by you and not someone else! Also, and very important, maintaining certainty of your vision will keep you inspired and moving if times get tough.
   Tips 7, 8 and 9 helps to solidify the energy of your visions more quickly.
8. Get regular support. Whether it is getting a coach,  joining a mastermind, support group or organization, or developing a partnership, maintain connection with others who can support you in attaining your vision. This ties in to tip #6. We are not islands. Those of us who choose to live amongst civilization (as opposed to living in a cave) thrive better when involved in a network of some sort. Part of getting support and growing is reading books and going to or listening in on seminars, etc., but it is very important to have others who are in alignment with you visions, to hold you to your vision, to hold your feet to the flame if need be, and to be there to hold you when (if) you momentarily falter. Your support system will be your constant reminder of the larger view of you.
9. Heal your emotional pain – strive to find peace in strife. Cultivate love, trust  compassion, forgiveness, empathy, generosity, and the willingness to receive, and watch your world expand exponentially as you maintain a core of Happiness.
   A note on forgiveness: I always try to remember the fact that we all are doing the best we can, given our history and circumstances, or we would do things differently. Negative action people take against us is not personal. It is them acting in the only way they know how in that moment. (This is not said to suggest that one makes themselves a doormat.)
   To practice the above mentioned attributes, releasing pain, fear, anger, resentment and judgment may have to be practiced from time to time, especially if one is accustomed to or has been reliant upon using these states to attempt to protect themselves from emotional pain.
10. Lastly, maintain a connection to that which is larger than you. Meditation, prayer, contemplation, quiet, church, whatever allows you to disengage from your thinking, striving, struggling processes and invites you to open to the power and grace that penetrates and supports all life. Rest and rejuvenate here, and you will know Happiness on a first name basis!

If you would like assistance in any of these areas, this is my life work…

I will leave you with this quote by Robert Heinlein, “Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” My love for all is what draws me here over and over again.

This blog article, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.

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“Get bold! Fall in love with the unknown.”  ∞ DT

I have a post-it with this message on my computer. It speaks to the part of me that is at times hesitant about stepping outside my comfort zone. I truly thrive living at my growing edge, and, some days it is easier to do this than others!

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Given that life is Maya (our own creation/illusion), the reality is that it’s always simply a shift in perspective that brings into view a new reality, however limited or expansive. Yes?

Just like these photos, if one opens one’s eyes or mind just a bit wider, there is whole new world of possibilities. Perhaps this person was afraid to take another step because it looked precarious. Then, they open themselves to a larger view. It was always there, just waiting for their realization of it. The cool thing about this is that with this understanding, there are no problems, only yet unrealized solutions.

The other cool thing is that this is limitless. The photo above shows us a perception, which is smaller than the one below, which is smaller than the scene the photographer actually saw, which is smaller than what actually was possible to see!

I guess the next question is, how to press and live into these unlimited possibilities?!

Photo by Joshua Davis.

This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.

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“If everyone knew they made a difference, what a difference we could make.”  ∞ DT

This week I filmed myself and a couple friends giving away free hugs in Santa Monica, California. It was an incredible experience. I hope to have the video up within 3 to 4 weeks.

I was surprised when several people asked, “So, why are you doing this?” It seemed obvious to me. “I’m just spreading the love.”

For those who don’t know, the Free Hugs campaign was started by Juan Mann in New South Wales, Australia in 2007. While you’re waiting for my video to post, check out some of the other Free Hugs videos on YouTube.

A few notes:

Although The Wounded Healer is a catchy title, the point that we can become wise and even healed from our past pain is a valid one. I would be cautious, however, in identifying oneself as being “wounded”, even if it’s associated with being a healer. Calling oneself wounded keeps one in bondage of woundation (creative word to convey my meaning). This being said, anyone who has done healing work knows that the path of healing is that…a path. It is ongoing, and occurs in layers. If one is on the path of self-awareness, he or she travels from having been wounded, to healing, to being a healer, which can take many forms. It is the natural course of things.

If one is in the healing arts, we would hope that they have healed enough on their own so that they are not at the affect of their past wounds. If one is not completely healed of their emotional wounds, in healing others, one must be clear on what are their own unhealed patterns and wounds (emotional pain). If they are not, it is inevitable that their issues and their clients’ will get entangled. Remember, we can only take others as far as we ourselves have traveled.

All this being said, if you are on a path of healing, or are a healer with a past, then I recommend watching this video.

This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.

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“Put A Little Love In Your Heart”

For daughter’s 8th grade graduation project, she created a video to help the people of Haiti. My girl is so proud of her accomplishment, and I am beaming for her. To watch the video, click the link above. After viewing, please press “Like”,then pass it around. She has a goal of 1 million people viewing, and of course raising lots of money for Haiti. Thank You!

I also invite you to read this article that recaps where Haiti is now. They still need help!

Although the article recommends The Red Cross, I recommend Partners in Health. From my research, they are the best at getting care to the people.

To donate to Partners In Health, click the logo above.

How Shame and the Negative Ego Are Related.

I know someone who appears to have a “large ego”. He is boastful and often takes opportunities to draw attention to himself, even in his “contribution” to people. I know from my work that boastfulness, an aspect of what I consider the negative ego,  ultimately stems from fear, but sometimes after being around this person (and feeling particularly impatient), I would contemplate what aspect of fear might be at play. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.”

Recently, I immersed myself for three days in the healing energies of the Croatian healer Braco. My intention before entering the long weekend was to do whatever internal housecleaning I needed to do to better equip me in my of teaching of others and helping them heal. In one session in particular, an emotional storm traveled through me that opened my eyes to something.

Several experiences in my childhood caused me to become familiar with feelings of shame. And as is often the case, what we experience  as children (pleasurable or painful) becomes our norm…our reality, and then we spend the rest of our lives recreating those feelings and/or situations to confirm to what we believe our reality to be. For many years, feeling shame was within my comfort zone as normal.

Those who have done their emotional healing work and attained a degree of consciousness can eventually heal scars and negative feelings from their past. I have done a fair amount of this type of work, and still, every now and then I will unconsciously create a situation where I will feel ashamed, or bad about myself, as I did on this day with Braco. The situation was subtle and the details are unimportant, but the shame and sense of disgrace I felt as a result were palpable.

When I have strong emotions arise, I usually inquire within to see what might be the trigger. So I asked, and just as the question came into my thoughts, I saw in my mind’s eye the exact actions I had taken that conjured the shame. You have to understand, the actions I am talking about were so subtle that I am certain no one noticed. That’s how insidious this sort of thing can be. But in that moment, the feeling of shame was every bit as real and deep and painful as when I was a child.

After feeling the feelings a few minutes, I was able to become the witness of the scene, and as I did, I saw the damage the shame had on my normal healthy state of mind.

I was still feeling the aftereffects of my internal storm when I had an epiphany. I made a correlation between shame and negative ego. It occurred to me that the ego I perceived in the person previously mentioned was a cover-up for his shame. I took a moment and reflected on where in his life I knew he felt shame, and then contemplated how painful it must be for him. Because I know some of his history, I even received insight into how his shame began. As one epiphany can create a domino effect, I then I perceived the pattern he employs to mask his shameful feelings and to cultivate a feeling of worthiness – causing external distractions by making himself the center of attention. The moment I saw this, a wave of compassion flowed through me for both him and myself, for although being boastful to cover shame may not be my specific pattern, my pattern does not serve me just as his does not serve him.

Something I share on occasion with my clients is, “It takes courage to practice compassion.” Sometimes courage must take the form of honest introspection.

The moral of the story, “Never judge a man until you’ve walked two moons in his moccasins.” And yes, sometimes quotes are more easily understood with the mind than practiced with the heart.

“Shame”, painting by Thomas Dodd.

This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.

The Truth Contest is asking for essays on Truth. When contemplating this, I was guided to first identify what truth is. I was assuming they were asking about the deeper meaning of truth, and not the logical meaning of truth as being based on fact.

As with God and Love, one cannot accurately express the esoteric meaning of Truth. Truth can only be pointed to through personal experience and intuition. In addition to this, as is also the case with God and Love, sometimes the fewer the words, the clearer and less convoluted the experience.

Truth is understood in layers,
at the level of the person in observation.

Truth is not an opinion, nor is it mutable,
it is a state being, ever-available, ever-accessible.

Truth is not boastful, nor is it up for debate,
for truth cannot live within the ego.

Truth is neither good, or bad,
it is neither complex, or simple.

Truth simply IS,
as part of the very fabric and essence of being.

What is the purpose and benefit on contemplating Truth? Of course the answer to this would depend on the individual. Reasons could range from feeding one’s need for security and purpose, to questioning whether one is on their highest path, to just having fun. For me, I am of the school that questions important topics until one has a clear experience of the answer. One can then add the experience to their foundation from which they live.

This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.

Exploring Practice #3 — Maintain a Vision that is Larger than You
(See the list of the 7 Practices of Authentic Power on my 8/22/09 post.)

Each of us comes into this world with our unique journeys and lessons to learn. As we grow, we form who we will be in the world and how and at what level we will contribute. In time, we take action to create the life we want. Depending on circumstances, some find this process easy, while others experience challenges and barriers between who they are and who they would like to be.

Practice #3 is a fairly simple in theory, but it asks for persistence. Competitive swimmers swim faster by setting goals larger than what they have already achieved, and by attempting to beat their rivals. Entrepreneurs grow their businesses by creating a vision of what they want, and then setting goals and implementing marketing strategies. Potential artists, writers, dancers and musicians are usually inspired to begin by another whose creativity touched them in a profound way. At some point they will usually learn the basics of drawing, sculpting, writing, feet positions, dance steps, cord structures, harmonies, etc. to give them a foundation. The person with creative aspirations combines their personal desires and abilities with larger inspirations to create their own unique work.

The most effective practices to expand your sense of personal power includes aligning yourself with a vision that is larger you. Study those you admire. Listen to what they say, and pay attention to what they do, what and how they create, and how they live their lives. If you have a hard time imagining the life you want, borrow some particulars from others who are already doing what you want to do. Adopt their ideas and practices and make them your own by adding your spin and your authentic voice.

In the process of expanding your life and learning new things to assist you in this process, there is a system that suggests first seeing in your mind’s eye the thing you want to learn. See yourself doing the thing, with great detail, as if you have already mastered it. Feel the action in your muscles and the sense of satisfaction you get from doing it. Feel your feelings around these new abilities. If you do this with regularity, your physical and emotional muscles can actually create a memory that will give you a leg up on learning the thing you want to learn. Whether it is learning to ski or learning to speak in front of people, this system works very well.

I gave this technique to my daughter when she was learning to do the butterfly. I had her watch Michael Phelps several times on You Tube performing the stroke perfectly, and listen to the coach pointing out exactly what Michael was doing and why. Then I instructed her to go to bed, seeing herself doing the stroke in the same way that she saw Michael doing it. She showed marked improvement in her stroke after engaging in this process a few times.

I used this technique, but in a more personal way, when I wanted to have deeper orgasms. (Yes, you just read right, I am now going to speak about how I learned to have better and deeper orgasms.) I grew up having been molested several times and date raped. I had a lot of shame around having sex and enjoying it. Mostly I had sex to get men off my back. I learned to be very good at giving sex, it was my way of feeling in control, because when I was a child, I felt that when it came to men’s needs, I had none. When I got to my late 30’s, I was introduced to a couple that taught Tantra to couples. On my own, I read books and watched videos to understand what people were experiencing and how they went about it. I so yearned for a partner that would help me learn to surrender and let go. Up until then, achieving orgasm was often quite laborious for the men I was with, and I had only experienced more surface, clitoral orgasms. I had heard (although it was difficult to imagine) that woman could have nine levels of orgasm, multiple orgasms, cervical orgasms, and that woman could even ejaculate, and I wanted to know how go to this exalted place.

The man I was with was not emotionally available or knowledgeable enough to go to this place with me, and we eventually split. I kept wanting, praying, imagining what it might look and feel like to have this kind of relationship. Then one day a few years later, “he” showed up; not in the package I thought he would be in, and he wasn’t what I considered long-term relationship material, but he was a loving, caring and a knowledgeable man, and we stayed together on and off for four years as we learned how to open and surrender to each other. Oh, and did I mention he was the most awesome and experienced lover I could imagine? I finally understood what all the hoopla was about. We shared the out-of-body experiences that I had always heard about, and we shared deep and passionate love with each other.

After four years of exploring, we ended our relationship on good terms. He is still a dear friend. With him I reached a high level of orgasm, but never quite got to experience the highest. I kept doing my emotional healing work that included learning how to surrender into the feminine and more fully to the masculine. I also continued to hold the possibility for myself to experience all nine levels of orgasm–affirming that I was worthy of that level of pleasure. Eventually, I ended up with a strong and loving man with whom in time I was able to go to the next levels. He was not the most experienced lover, but he was willing, and tenacious and wanted to pleasure me from a genuine place of giving, without having his ego bruised if I did not respond quickly or in dramatic ways. And after a few emotional breakthroughs, I began to regularly experience the elation of multiple orgasms, complete with ejaculation–the ninth level of orgasm. I have experienced this level of orgasm to last up to several minutes to half an hour. I am here it say that it has been well worth the wait!

By the way, I have not shared the story above to be gratuitous. Healing my sexual pain and living fully into my womanhood was a profound desire and part of my vision for an expanded life.

Okay, now take a breath and re-focus on maintaining a vision that is larger than you…

What might it be like when you step into the live you envisioned? Think of it as preparing yourself to move into your new dream house. You knew the number of rooms that would give you a feeling of spaciousness, the view that would give you the most peace, the lighting that would give you a feeling of happiness, and the airflow that would let you breathe in well-being. When you realize you have found your dream home, you buy it and move in. When you first arrive, depending on where you came from, it may take some time to get used to the extra space, the new lighting and all the new gadgets. You may feel excited, and you might also feel awkward. In time though, you will expand to fill the space with all that you are and enjoy the life you’ve created. Eventually, you may even outgrow this home and decide to expand once again.

In the dream world, the house represents the dreamer’s mind and consciousness. While being fully present in your daily life, hold a vision (or the sense of possibility) of expanding your mind, heart, life and consciousness. Keep this feeling alive, as you continually press into it. Invite it in and welcome its presence. You will receive insights and guidance that will enable you to expand in the ways you desire.

There’s a great saying that goes like this,

“The pain pushes until the vision pulls.”

I think this says it well. Allow your vision to pull you into the more expanded and satisfied you.

This blog, and all my writings, are explorations into the wondrous, deep, and ever-evolving process of living, loving and growing. My intention with Pebbles for Thought, is to empower and uplift, one post at a time.